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How I worked ......
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On the last day of June, at the last few hours of the 30th, I carried myself to places where I remembered and hearted deeply.
Ironically, was there just me, myself, max.
On the way to ChengDu, I spent the most uncomfortable 2.5 hours on the flight.
I just couldn't stop myself thinking again and again about people who I love but no way to get.
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I do miss her, but is there any use for missing? What if two people fell in love but just can not stay together?
Still can't give it up. I just can't!
when "how far can you go for love" is not a question, then how much can you do for love?
And how long does it take to make decision.?
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It's been really long time that I didn't drink hot mocha but tonight,
I went to starbucks near my office to get a grante size, decaff mocha.
I was awoken by the strong taste of cream followed by the milky hot chocolate.
Believe or not, coffee speaks for the person.
I hate to be apart.
I have faith. Do you?
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I went for a photo shot of a fencing athlete named Liu Qi. Currently he is in the no.1 rank in China.
He was attractive during the whole pratice, but I was totally toasted in the very first hour of shooting,
because of the lack of fencing background knowledge.
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Later on, I took time to watch and to think. Then I realized that,
in some way, I could take it as a kind of dance, a rhythm of movement, and a body implementation of one's mind.
It is fast and requires you to pay more attention.
Things got better and better afterward.
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"if you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man,
then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with
you, for Paris is a moveable feast."
Ernest Hemingway
1950
To me, for where/when we could stay together, is a moveable feast.
Welcome home, baby!
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Mr.Wang took his very first digital image of me.
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June 20th, 12:45pm, Ying-Hua, Si-Chuan, China.
A moment of my life.
One day, she came to my life like an angel, high above me, out of blue, out of reach, out of expectation.
So I fall in love with her, deeply from heart to soul.
Years, I've been doing my best or what I think it's the best to pursue the love I believed.
I was called naive, childish, unrealistic. I don't care actually, I'm still holding faith to beauties in my heart.
But love without a right name, without a decent way of respect, without a feedback, became harder and harder to be treated normally,
and weakening my confidence little by little.
When confidence couldn't reach the fair value, jealousy, anger and emotion all came out and took over my mind.
Up untill this moment, I didn't realize that nothing absorbs a human being more completely than jealousy.
I was frustrated and forgot what I used to believe in the very beginning - a pure, relaxed, deeply loved relationship.
Years of effort, un-accountable happiness, may just be destroyed by a single emotional letter,
an anti-trust behaviour, an heartless arguement within few days.
I hope the bounding in between is strong enough to lead us go through this.
I know the process is ugly but once we go over the hard part and look back, we grow up together.
And the bounding goes deeper.
If, if I lost her because of this, I blame no one but myself for spoiling the way of love, my self-fish love.
And I blame myself for my unreasonable jealousy, my easy-said part of the trust but hard to be implemented, my uncontrollable emontion.
If sorry still means something here, can I write it down?
Can I write it down thousand and thousand times?
Just for you to forgive me!
You know I love you and I need your help on things which I can't handle them well at this moment.
Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back.
How do you find her/him? Well, you forget your head and you listening to your heart.
Cause that there is no sense living your life without true love.
To make the journey of your life and not fall deeply in love, well,
you haven't lived a life at all.
But you have to try, 'casuse if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.
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I found "Vanessa Pink".
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I woke up in the early morning,
cleaned up the apartment,
ironing my shirts while listening Bach's violin sonata.
I think, I am getting my life back little by little.
Last night, beijing was raining and now, the city is refreshed. I love this feeling, fresh like grass, new like a baby.
I think distance is not a problem of love. Distance is the problem of loneliness.
For certain things, there is no any solve type of answer but maybe more of an understeanding.
And I have confidence, because I believe in love.
By believe, I mean, I could scarifice everything to pursue true love of life.
In this way, and this is the only way, to live happily.
Photo, which represents my day, for her.
After all, I am a photographer, I speak image. If I can make it, I can make everything come true!
By this time next year, I wish she could be with me and we then live happily ever after.
Check out the image from apad.april28th.com
Without trust, there is no future.
I have problems of myself.
Most of the time, I upset her, make her tired.
I think if I can't get it balanced, I will be in the terrible situation.
I blame myself. I do.
If, if there is anything I can do to make it up, I am willing to.
If love could stand the un-stand, I call it true love.
The course of the true love never did run smooth.
One rose in pink, 3 dollars.
One hot coffee with a cup of free ice and double cream/sugar, 5 dollars.
One hand washed car and a well planned, love prepared, heart designed, romantic breakfast --- priceless.
There are many things money can buy,
For anything else, there is your heart.
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busy busy busy.
"Eat Pray Love", Elizabeth Gilbert, one book to read!
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Shooting Wang YaBin's dance practice.
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Two tall ice mocha ...... with cream ......
From France to Norway, one saturday will be killed.
A week of apart ....
Sick ....
Hope + passion + waiting + reality >= loneliness
Love < distance ......
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Today, I saw passion.
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Strange, to wish your wishes no further. Strange,
to see what was once connected to cut loose......
I saw her, dream? I don't know. But I saw her, in the morning. And I see her at night.
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And the Night - when the wind full of world-space
eats at our faces - waits for us all,
longed-for Night with her soft disappointment
wearily facing the lonely heart. Is she kinder to lovers?
But they only use each other to hide from their Fate.
You still haven't grasped it? Throw the emptiness
out of your arms and into the spaces we breathe:
so prehaps the birds will feel their flight
more inwardly through the intensified space.
Yes, Spring needed you every time.
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When I was a little kid, dad always brought me to ZhongShan Park during raining Spring days.
When I grow up, I went to Vancouver, where could be rain for a like a week without notice.
Today, Beijing is raining, not showering, light as tender as the one I experienced with my dad,
as warm and safe as what could be felt in Vancouver.
I feel calm and peaceful. Just, miss her!
photo reserved & copyright @ april28th.com Yinan Max Wang